With Bill Bassett
The Parent-Coach Relationship
One of the most unique and challenging things in the sport of wrestling is when a parent also serves as his son or daughter’s coach. It can be incredibly rewarding, but it requires balance, awareness, and the right mindset. The only goal isn’t just to build a successful wrestler, it’s to help build a confident, faith-driven, amazing young person. Here are some key principles that can help guide the parent-coach relationship in wrestling:
Learn to Change Hats
When you’re in the wrestling room, you're the coach. When you’re in the car or at home, you're a parent. Pull your wrestler aside at the end of workouts, then let the car ride home be about school or family talk. As a dad, your role is to love, support, and build confidence. Knowing when to switch hats keeps your relationship healthy and helps your child grow in both wrestling and life. You will make mistakes, but learn from them and don’t make the same mistake twice. The relationship with your son/daughter should be way more important than wrestling
Treat Your Wrestler the Same as Everyone Else
Don’t coach your child harder or give them special treatment. Holding them to a different standard, good or bad, creates tension. Your wrestler should feel that you believe in them, but also that they are part of the team like everyone else. Trust me, this is what they want and prefer as well.
Focus on Effort and Attitude, Not Winning and Losing
Winning is a byproduct of doing the right things over time. The wrestlers who wrestle free, aggressively, and joyfully tend to love the sport. The ones who worry about winning often wrestle tight and afraid. The pressure of winning usually comes from outside sources, most times, the parents.
Stay Calm and Confident
Your son/daughter feels your energy. Whether it’s the week of the tournament, in the corner, or before a big match, stay calm and confident. If you can’t stay composed in your wrestler’s corner, step back and let someone else coach that match. This is never easy when it’s your own child, but it’s often what’s best for both of you. They feed off of you, remember that.
The Five-Minute Rule
After a tough loss, give your wrestler five minutes. Five minutes to breathe, reflect, and reset. Don’t chase them down or lecture them. They’re already very hard on themselves. When they’re ready, be there with encouragement and perspective. Get their minds back and ready to compete. Take notes on what mistakes were made and address them later.
Unconditional Love Comes First
Your son/daughter must know, not just hear, that your love isn’t tied to performance. Win or lose, you’re proud of them. When a wrestler feels this, they compete fearlessly and freely. They know their worth isn’t defined by a scoreboard. This is very important.
Trust God’s Plan
This is powerful. Help your child understand that when they give their all in everything they do, every win, every setback, is part of God’s plan. Even the heartbreaks and unexplainable moments have a purpose. Wrestling is a journey of faith as much as it is one of technique and strength.
Remember the Long Game
The goal isn’t just medals, it’s about learning life lessons, character, discipline, and faith. One day, wrestling will end, but the lessons will last forever. Your job as a parent/coach is to help your child become the kind of person who handles adversity with confidence, wins & loses the right way, and never stops giving their best.
